Thursday, October 13, 2005

Vintage 1995 Bad Karma

So, here's the short version, last night my front tooth fell out. Currently I look and sound like a pre-faceguard hockey player or Bruce Willis in the Twelve Monkeys, take your pick.

It all started ten years ago with a simple idea. Win a Cat 4 NRC race, Dave Lettieri of L.A. Sheriff's would see me, recruit me to be on the team, voila my cubicle days are behind me. Of course I never said this out loud, but it's probably what i and most other yahoos are thinking at an NRC.

Anyway, the plan didn't work, i crashed hard in the crit and smacked a No Parking sign with my face, breaking a lot of bones, deflating my lung and ejecting a couple of teeth onto the downtown streets of Jackson, Mississippi. For good measure, when my jaw was set the doc stuck my front tooth back into place. "It probably won't make it a year, but let's try" they told me.

Eight years later the tooth was still going strong, but my dentist detected some "absorption" going on and recommended that i have it removed. This is where it got ugly, when I awoke from the procedure, i found my oral surgeon hastily sewing up my mouth, explaining to me that it "hadn't gone as well as he had hoped". This would have meant something to me if i hadn't been a drooling idiot from the drugs that they gave me. The effect of the absorption was that my tooth had become a collection of fragments that he had had to fish out of me. NICE.

Back with my dentist now, he took the crown of the disintegrating tooth and epoxied it into place, giving me a sort of messed-up mono-front-tooth smile, that, while functional, wasn't going to get me on the cover of GQ anytime soon. This really didn't matter though because my modeling days were behind me, so I let it ride.

Now cut to last night, on the eve of Ryan's due date, Amy and i are having supper. I bite into a bean burrito oddly and blammo, the whole epoxied-pseudo-tooth apparatus comes out. I couldn't believe it. I immediately forbade Amy from having the baby because i'll be damned if i'm going to welcome Ryan Sebastian into this world with a lisp. So, I'm off to the dentist now, hopefully he can work some magic.

I think it's time to get a proper bridge installed.


Amy said...

It really was funny...After days of trying every trick in the book to bring on labor, David suddenly forbids me from going into labor. No worries, though. It appears this kid runs late just like his mom and dad.

eric said...

PLEASE post a picture of your toothless mug!

David said...

NO WAY! Dude, I looked like a patient for the Appalachian Emergency Room or maybe a combination of Miguel Indurain and Leon Spinks. It's fixed now.